The Night the Bed Broke
by Agent R
Summary: Due to circumstances they'd like to forget, Duncan, Joe, Methos, Amanda and Richie end up in the same house during a severe storm. Very funny, please read and review.
1. Default Chapter

The Night the Bed Broke  
  
A/N: If there's anyone who even remembers the original story with that title, don't worry, this shouldn't be anything like it.  
  
Duncan had really outdone himself this time to say the least, he had recently proposed to Amanda and they were trying to figure the date when to marry. They spent 2 weeks stressing on it so much, Duncan decided they should get away from their problems for a while, so he found a quaint house for rent in the country, and they decided to go on a vacation from the wedding preparations.  
"Well I must admit, the house is in better condition than I thought," Amanda said. "Hey, I may have been raised in the woods, but I still have good taste," Duncan said. "Apparently, the house came cleaned?" Amanda asked. "Well, the guy I'm renting it from said that he has cleaners come in twice a week since he's always looking for people to rent it to, and no one in their right mind rents a grease trap," Duncan told her. In all truthfulness, the house looked like a miniature Victorian, there were 28 rooms, well-varnished woodwork, fancy chandeliers, it looked like a good place to stay.  
"So why do I feel like we're going to have a calamity on our hands before we're through?" Amanda asked. "Don't worry, just relax, we're supposed to be thinking of something other than our wedding," Duncan said, "getting ready for that's calamity enough, isn't it?"  
"I suppose."  
  
******************************************************************  
  
That night, Duncan and Amanda got together in the living room, Duncan had lit a few candles on the coffee table and was ready for Amanda.  
"Has the wine taken effect yet?" Amanda asked. "No, but if you like, I can act like it has," Duncan said.  
Duncan grabbed Amanda and put her on the couch and started kissing her when the buzz came over him.  
"What is it?" Amanda flabbergasted. She was so short-winded for the minute, she meant 'who do you think it is' but all she could get out was 'what is it?'  
Duncan grabbed his katana and headed over to the door, he clutched the knob and swung it open to a familiar, but unpleasant face. "Hello Elvira, anybody home?" Methos asked. Methos came in with a case of beer, he handed it to Duncan as he came in. "What are you doing here?" Duncan put the case down so he could see.  
"That's exactly what I asked him." Duncan turned around and saw Joe coming up the sidewalk, hobbling on his walker.  
"Allright Curly Cue, what are you doing here?" Duncan asked. "I rented this place, so kill me," Joe walked in. "Gladly," Duncan huffed. Duncan drew out his katana and pointed it at Joe. "I should hope that isn't for me," Joe said, "put it away before you hurt someone.by the way, what are you doing here?"  
"I rented this place!" Duncan stammered. "Duncan, what's going on?" Amanda came into the hallway. "It's okay, it's just Joe and Methos, I hope," Duncan looked before closing the door, "you didn't bring anyone else with you, did you?"  
"I came alone," Joe told him. "So did I," Methos said.  
"So why are you here together?" Duncan asked. "Funny thing," Methos said, "Joe and I both got here at the same time, only on the opposite sides of the block.so I came in to catch you trespassing, so shoot me." "Glad to do that too." Duncan took out a tiny revolver and pointed it at him, it was so tiny, Methos found it as a joke and closed in on it to get a better look. "I say, MacLeod, after 400 years, don't you think you can come up with something better than that?" he laughed. Duncan put the gun away and grabbed Methos by the collar, "Get in here!"  
Duncan dragged him into the living room and was ready to throw him on the couch when Methos broke loose, picked Duncan up and threw him on the couch. Duncan hit his seat against the hard metal bar of the hide-a-bed under the cushions, he immediately jumped back up on his feet. It looked like the fight was going to get bloody, but Amanda came in between the two of them.  
"Hey-hey-hey-hey-HEY!" she butted in, "can you 2 try and resolve this like a couple of adults instead of like a couple of 2-year-olds?"  
"Allright, now tell me what you're doing here? And you better make it good because I've got no trouble blowing off the head of an ancient man," Duncan said.  
"I rented this place for a few weeks, I've got flat feet from traveling across the world and would like to rest for a while, is that a crime?" Methos asked. "It is when the house is already rented, Amanda and I rented this place 3 days ago," Duncan told him.  
"Basch!" Methos coughed, "I rented this place 2 days ago." "You've got to be kidding me, I rented this place a week ago," Joe said.  
"Can this get any worse?" Duncan asked. No sooner did he say that, Richie walked in with a girlfriend and found everyone gathered in the living room. "Hey, I didn't do anything this time...hey, what are you guys doing here?" he asked. "It's official," Duncan said, "this is a night of hell."  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"So the guy who we rented this house from rented it to YOU today?" Joe asked.  
"That's my story, other than that, I got nothing," Richie pleaded, "so don't try and pin it on me."  
"Today it was just you and Amanda staying here, now there's six of us," Methos told Duncan, "you know what that means, don't you?"  
"Yes, I'm going to find the guy I rented this house from and kill him!" Duncan said. "Well, I don't think there's much chance of that happening," Rebecca said, "the guy told Richie that he had to go away on business for 2 weeks."  
Duncan threw his head back and fell on the floor, he could already tell that this was going to be a very hectic vacation, "if I ever see that son of a." he mumbled into the carpet.  
"MacLeod, now is not the time for that wine to just now kick in," Amanda kicked him, "we have a problem, what are we going to do? We can't have 4 other people in this house." "And why not? There are 28 rooms, 7 of which are bedrooms," Methos told them. "And how do you know that?" Duncan asked.  
"The same way I don't have to carry any baggage in here, I already moved in yesterday," Methos said.  
"Joe." "I moved in too, about a week ago on Tuesday."  
"It's a wonder you 2 didn't pick the same bedroom," Duncan said. "Speaking of which, I suggest we turn in for the night," Amanda said.  
"Gladly!" everyone agreed.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
Everyone went their separate ways for the night, and everyone kept someone up, Amanda kept Duncan up because she was trying to read, Methos kept Joe up because he could hear him chewing on something in the next room, so he went over into the next room to see him.  
"Do you think you could keep down the noise?" Joe asked. "These are celery stalks, you want me to swallow them whole?" Methos asked. "Might not be a bad idea, and while you're at it, you might want to see about sticking one up your.." "Go to bed, you old goat," Methos said. "Gladly, when you stop grazing," Joe told him.  
Everyone tried to get to sleep, however, that attempt failed once again when something happened that got everyone up.  
"Duncan.Duncan." "What is it?"  
"Duncan, you're drooling again," Amanda told him. "I do not drool."  
"No, then what is that?" Amanda asked. However, everyone soon became aware that a rainstorm had started up, and the roof was leaking, and everyone even became more aware that they were in for a long night when the ceiling collapsed.  
  
End of chapter 1 


	2. Chapter 2

The Night the Bed Broke chapter 2  
  
"What happened?" Joe asked.  
  
"What?" Duncan asked.  
  
There was so much noise what with the rain falling in and everyone panicking, all they could do was yell.  
  
"WHAT HAPPEEND?" Joe repeated.  
  
"THE ROOF CAVED IN!" Duncan replied.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"WHAT?" Duncan asked.  
  
"I SAID OH!" Joe replied.  
  
"Oh!"  
  
"Yeah!" Joe responded.  
  
"Great, what're we gonna do? We can't have this going on all night, we'll drown!" Richie told them.  
  
"I hate to say it but I think you're right! I'll go on the roof and see if I can fix the problem, or at least slow it down until morning!" Duncan said.  
  
"Are you insane!?" Amanda asked, "What if lightning strikes?"  
  
"So what?" Duncan asked, "It wouldn't be something new!"  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
And come an hour later, the massive flood turned into a slight drip, while everyone was relieved, Richie still had trouble believing one thing, "since when were you ever a roofer?"  
  
"Never, but you don't live for 400+ years without learning a thing or two," Duncan told him.  
  
"That reminds me, I think you know as well as I do it would be smart if you laid off the Immortal chit chat, you know, 400 years, beheadings, Quickenings and all that stuff if you get my drift," he said.  
  
"I know, between you and me, I don't think Rebecca could handle that much knowledge either," Duncan told him.  
  
"You'd be surprised what she believes, I'm just not sure it'd be safe to tell her," Richie said.  
  
"I can understand that too," Duncan said, "you'd be surprised how many allies have been lost from hearing about Immortals."  
  
In the upstairs area, Amanda and Methos had put out buckets to collect the drips, "awful damp in spots," she complained.  
  
"And just what are you complaining about?" Methos asked, "This is nothing compared to the first flood."  
  
Joe came down the stairs into the living room, "our rooms are beyond wasted from the rain, we can't stay up there tonight."  
  
"Are you serious?" Duncan asked.  
  
"How serious can someone be? I know what I'm talking about, our rooms are drowned!" Joe told him.  
  
"Wonderful, what are we supposed to do now?" Richie asked.  
  
"Well I don't know about you, but I'm not going to get any sleep tonight," Rebecca said, "I close my eyes for 2 seconds, boom! I'm going to need a life-jacket."  
  
"Personally, I agree," Amanda said, "who knows how long the roof's going to stay somewhat in-tact?"  
  
"Look, it's going to be morning in a few hours, by then the rain should stop, and I'll have someone come look at the roof," Duncan said.  
  
"Well wait a minute, how large was that hole in the roof, MacLeod?" Methos asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm just saying, the distance from your room to mine and everyone else's in between was about what, 15 feet? The roof couldn't have a hole that large in it," Methos said.  
  
"No, it was only around 8 feet, but still enough to flood our rooms for the night," Duncan said.  
  
"So what? That's only 4 rooms, and how many did I say were bedrooms in this place?" Methos asked.  
  
"Seven," Duncan said.  
  
"So? Two of us are just going to have to compromise," Methos said.  
  
"I hate to say it, but I think he's right," Joe said.  
  
Methos' eyes looked the other way at Joe, "you don't snore, do you?"  
  
"WHAT!?" Joe asked.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Come morning, the rain had temporarily stopped, giving them enough time to call a roofer, fix the damages, and empty the buckets. By the time the roofer left, Methos came down the stairs appearing to be more than just a bit drowsy.  
  
"Good morning, Methos, sleep well?" Duncan asked.  
  
"No, I woke up in the middle of the night and there was a puddle in my bed, you have no idea how relieved I was to find that the roof was leaking in my room as well," Methos said.  
  
"Well, the guy that was just here repaired the whole roof so I don't think you'll have to worry about that again," Duncan said.  
  
"I wasn't worried about the roof, I was glad it was the roof, but I'm 5,000 years old, can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if I was to suddenly become impotent?" Methos asked.  
  
"I guess that would be pretty embarrassing, considering you don't look anymore than 39," Duncan laughed.  
  
Methos joined Duncan in the quaint laugh, but then brought it to a quick end, "that's not funny, MacLeod."  
  
"So I suppose that now that it's morning and the weather's better than last night, you're gonna get out?" Duncan asked.  
  
"Not at all, I rented this place and I intend to stay in it," Methos said.  
  
"How long do you have this place rented for?" Duncan asked.  
  
"2 weeks," Methos said.  
  
"Are you crazy? That's how long Amanda and I are staying here," Duncan said.  
  
"Well, our renter is out of town for the next 2 weeks, so we might as well make best of it, because I'm not leaving," Methos said.  
  
"Well neither am I," Duncan told him.  
  
"Okay, we've established a plan for the living conditions, now how about getting some food around here that I can eat? Immortal or not, man cannot live on that rubbish you eat alone," Methos replied.  
  
"What? Now you have a problem with what I eat?" Duncan asked.  
  
"Well when the only thing you have the icebox stocked with is caviar and wine, YES," Methos replied.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
"Okay," Rebecca hung up the phone, "That was Mrs. Blochlinger, she said that Mr. Fleming told her he was leaving for Europe for 2 weeks, but he mentioned nothing about renting out the place."  
  
"That just figures," Richie said, "the first time we trust a guy to rent his house, we get screwed."  
  
"That's nothing new, I'm used to that," Rebecca said.  
  
"Me too, but I figured for once maybe it'd be different," Richie said.  
  
"Well, it could be worse, we could've rented this place, as the same as a bunch of hooligans, at least they're people you know," Rebecca told him.  
  
"Well you're forgetting, I know these people so that doesn't help much," Richie told her.  
  
"Well it's not like they're psycho or something, right?" Rebecca asked.  
  
"I wish I knew," Richie replied.  
  
****************************************************************  
  
That night, the rain picked up again, although they wouldn't have to worry about the roof, they could tell that something else was bound to go wrong.  
  
"Richie, will you stop messing with the lights?" Amanda asked.  
  
"What?" Richie asked.  
  
"Stop turning off the lights," Amanda told him.  
  
"I'm not doing anything with the lights," Richie told her.  
  
"What?" Amanda turned around.  
  
"I'm-not-doing-anything-with-the-lights," Richie repeated.  
  
"Great, first a bad roof, now faulty wiring, I find the yutz I rented this place from, I'm mangling him," Duncan said.  
  
"What's the problem?" Joe entered the room.  
  
"The lights keep going out," Amanda said.  
  
"Really? The lights are fine upstairs," Joe told her.  
  
"Who's upstairs?" Duncan asked.  
  
"Me and Rebecca, why?" Joe asked.  
  
"How do you like that? Apparently the electricity's favoring them," Duncan said.  
  
At that point, the lights went out again, after a couple of seconds, they were back on, then they shut off again.  
  
"This is really starting to become a real pain in the neck," Duncan said.  
  
"You call?" Methos came into the room.  
  
At that point, all electricity went out, everyone was screaming, stumbling around in the dark, when the power kicked in again, everyone was more or less surprised at what had happened in the dark. Duncan was holding Richie by his arms, lifting him off the ground, much like that of an old doll.  
  
"MAAAAAAAAC!"  
  
"Sorry Rich, wait a minute," Duncan realized there was a problem, "Where's Methos?"  
  
Everyone looked up and saw him hanging on the ceiling somehow.  
  
"Well, I'm not sure how I wound up here, but I'm sure that's something we'll find out before we leave this place," he said.  
  
"How'd you get up there?" Richie asked.  
  
"If I knew that, kid, I wouldn't be up here, would I?" Methos asked.  
  
"Well get down from there!" Duncan said.  
  
"As you wish," Methos replied.  
  
"Now what'd that mean?" Duncan turned to Amanda.  
  
"What?"  
  
"He said 'as you wish', what's that supposed to mean?" Duncan asked.  
  
He soon found out when Methos dropped from the ceiling and landed in his arms.  
  
"Sorry MacLeod, but I'm taken for, I'm afraid," Methos laughed.  
  
"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, MAN?" Duncan asked as he threw Methos out of his arms and onto the floor.  
  
End of chapter 2 


	3. Chapter 3

The Night the Bed Broke chapter 3  
  
A/N: I got a couple of questions about the last chapter asking why I used the word 'impotent' instead of 'incontinent'. When I wrote the chapter and got to that area, I checked the dictionary to make sure it was the right word, both terms were found under impotent.  
  
"Mac, why in the world were you holding me like a doll?" Richie asked.  
  
"Richie, I didn't even know where you were, you'd be surprised what can happen when you have 6 people stumbling around in the dark, for a minute, I thought I had Amanda," Duncan told him.  
  
"In that case, I'm glad the lights came on when they did," Richie said.  
  
However, that didn't last for too long, the power went out again. They heard someone coming down the stairs, "What's going on down here?" It was Rebecca.  
  
"I think we blew a fuse," Joe said.  
  
"A fuse?" Amanda asked, "It looks like we blew EVERY fuse in the house!"  
  
Everyone started screaming at each other in confusion, Duncan seemed to be the only sane one in the dark room, finally he had enough of it, "SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! Listen, I don't want anyone going anywhere until I can get some light in here. Now everyone just calm down!"  
  
Duncan started stumbling around, when he noticed something.  
  
"There's something wrong here, Richie."  
  
Richie started gagging, Duncan looked for a light to see what the problem was.  
  
"I feel a damp opening," Duncan said.  
  
"You got your hand in my mouth," Richie said.  
  
Duncan found a flashlight and turned it on, it nearly blinded Richie for a second.  
  
"HEY!" Richie exclaimed, "What's the 3rd Degree for?"  
  
"It's not a 3rd Degree, Rich, I'm just trying to see what's going on around here," Duncan said.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"What is it Joe?"  
  
"What happened to that motor mouth Methos?" Joe asked.  
  
Everyone heard a mixture of what sounded like an electrocution and someone screaming as the electricity went haywire, the lights were flashing on and off faster than lightning, then they went out permanently.  
  
"Methos!" Duncan called up the stairs.  
  
"I'm okay," Methos staggered out of the bathroom.  
  
"What happened?" Amanda asked, "You smell like a hot grill."  
  
"Yeah, I went to check out the fuse box and it bit me right before permanently dying," Methos answered.  
  
"What were you doing in the bathroom?" Richie asked.  
  
"The fool who built this house put the fuse box in the SHOWER!" Methos exclaimed.  
  
"What?" Amanda asked.  
  
"Of all the...." Joe started.  
  
"It's official, the guy we rented this place from is a jackass!" Rebecca exclaimed.  
  
"That fuse box is beyond repair, it'll take a miracle now to get any real energy going through the house," Methos said.  
  
"Wonderful, now what?" Richie said.  
  
"Well all of you shut up?" Duncan asked, "I can't hear myself think..."  
  
Duncan heard someone fall and turned the light over to the other side of the room and saw Joe fell into the fireplace. An idea hit him, "anyone got a match?"  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Within a few minutes, a fire was started so at least they had more light on the subject, now they had to figure out what they were going to do for the night.  
  
"Richie, if we can't get any power on here soon, we'll freeze to death, the rain's supposed to pick up again and the temperature's supposed to drop to 40 degrees," Rebecca said.  
  
"Don't worry, I've been in worse weather AND in worse situations, I'm still here," Richie said.  
  
Of course that was probably only because he was Immortal, but that wasn't something he figured she should know.  
  
"Richie, do you hear something?"  
  
"Like what?" Richie asked.  
  
"Something," Rebecca replied.  
  
Richie listened closely, he did hear something, but it was impossible, because the last time he heard that noise was in a zombie move in 1985, there was tumbling in the tombstones as zombies crawled up out of the dirt. Of course that couldn't be what was happening with them, could it?  
  
"I think you're just paranoid, the rain's hitting hard, the winds are high, you're bound to hear something, but I doubt it's anything to worry about," Richie said.  
  
Richie and Rebecca were getting into bed when the noise sounded again, Rebecca hopped out of bed, "there it is again, Richie!"  
  
"Rebecca, get into bed, and go to sleep, by morning, maybe we can get the power back on and you won't be so paranoid," Richie said.  
  
"I'm not paranoid Richie, and I'm not emotional and I'm not being dumb or childish here, and I would appreciate it if you would NOT think otherwise of me," Rebecca told him.  
  
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Richie apologized, "can we just get some sleep now?"  
  
A few minutes later, the noise became louder, and Richie and Rebecca got up and out of bed just in time as a tree branch crashed through their window. Rebecca started screaming, Richie started yelling, and within a few minutes Duncan and Amanda came in to see what all the commotion was about.  
  
"There is no way we can stay in that room now," Rebecca said.  
  
"I agree," Amanda said, "I also noticed on the way in that a couple of the spare rooms got the same treatment."  
  
"Wonderful, that totals our chances of staying in another bedroom for the night," Rebecca sighed.  
  
"Well I agree, you can stay with us," Amanda said.  
  
"WHAT?!" Duncan and Richie asked.  
  
"Are you sure?" Rebecca asked.  
  
"Of course, it'll be no trouble," Amanda said.  
  
"Amanda, have you lost your mind? It'll be crowded 4 to our bed," Duncan said.  
  
"Duncan, it's a king-sized bed, in any case, we can't have them stay on the couch tonight, in a way they're our guests," Amanda said.  
  
Duncan was about to go into a long discussion of 'you women, always trying to be hospitable to everyone including our enemies', but he was too tired for it.  
  
"For the time being, we better board up these windows, otherwise we'll probably drown," Richie said.  
  
"Good thinking, I think there're some boards in the closet," Amanda said.  
  
In about an hour, the windows were boarded up, keeping out most of the rain, tree branches, leaves, and everything else floating around outside.  
  
"Now all we have to do is figure out how to fit everyone into this bed...without killing each other," Duncan said.  
  
That was much easier said than done, the whole time, they were stepping on each other, getting crammed together, stepping on each other's faces, Rebecca finally got tired of it and pulled back Duncan's big toe. He screamed and fell down in the bed on top of she, Richie and Amanda, practically squashing them.  
  
"MAC!" they screamed.  
  
"Allright everyone, hold on!" Amanda screamed, "Now look, it's going to be morning in a few hours, so surely this won't be as miserable as we think it will."  
  
"That's what you think," Duncan replied.  
  
"Oh shutup Duncan, let's just try to get some sleep," Rebecca said.  
  
"I hear that," Richie said.  
  
"Goodnight Richie," Rebecca said.  
  
"Goodnight Rebecca, goodnight Moe, goodnight Curly," Amanda said.  
  
"Mac," Richie said.  
  
"What?" Duncan asked.  
  
"You forgot to turn off the lights," Richie smirked.  
  
Duncan tried smacking himself but he only brought up Amanda's wrist with his, their sleeves were cuffed together when they fell on each other.  
  
"It's too bad you didn't install a clapper," Rebecca said, "then the lights could go off as easily as..."  
  
Rebecca clapped twice, surprisingly enough, the lights went out.  
  
"Duncan, I didn't know you installed a clapper," Amanda said.  
  
"I didn't," Duncan replied.  
  
"What?" the three of them asked.  
  
"I told you, I didn't install one," Duncan said.  
  
"Well then how'd the lights go out?" Amanda tried sitting up.  
  
"I don't know, maybe another tree tore down, taking down the power lines," Duncan thought, "but it's nothing to worry about, and also nothing to lose any sleep over...goodnight!" 


	4. Chapter 4

The Night the Bed Broke, Chapter 4  
  
The next day, Methos was down in the kitchen, in the dark, when Duncan came down.  
  
"Morning, MacLeod, sleep well?" Methos asked.  
  
"Methos, why in the world are you sitting in the dark?" Duncan asked, obviously confused.  
  
"Either you normally shave in the dark, or you're just clueless," Methos said.  
  
Duncan messed with the light switch a few times to find the room was still dark.  
  
"So I guess I was right," Duncan said.  
  
"About what?" Methos asked.  
  
"Last night the lights went out upstairs and I figured the storm knocked the power out," Duncan said.  
  
"No, the power lines are fine, I had a look earlier," Methos said.  
  
"Maybe we blew a fuse," Duncan thought.  
  
"I checked the fusebox, it's fine," Methos said.  
  
"It's in the shower Methos, it can't be fine," Duncan said.  
  
"Well then someone must've decided to take a shower at 12:30 last night, and you were all piled in the bed, and Joe was asleep, and it sure wasn't me," Methos told him.  
  
"So what are you saying?" Duncan almost laughed.  
  
"I'm saying either someone else rented this house that we don't know about...or the house is screwed, MacLeod, there's no other explanation," Methos said.  
  
"Screwed I wouldn't doubt...but I don't think there's someone else here," Duncan said, "where's the phone? Or is it dead too?"  
  
"No, the phone's working, but why do you want it?" Methos asked.  
  
"To make a phone call, what else?" Duncan asked.  
  
"I don't know, although a friend of mine once found a rather interesting use for it, she took-"  
  
"Methos!" Duncan cut him off.  
  
"What?" Methos asked.  
  
Duncan ignored him and put the receiver to his ear, for a few seconds he did nothing but listen, "hmmmmmm."  
  
"What?" Methos asked.  
  
"Come here and listen to this," Duncan said.  
  
Duncan handed Methos the receiver, Methos put it to his ear and heard something, it sounded like a mixture between someone moaning and someone stepping on a cat, "what the hell is this? Richie trying something new?"  
  
"It's not Richie," Duncan said.  
  
"Well I hardly think Joe's in any kind of mood to try something obscene like this," Methos resisted laughing as he tried to picture Joe being one end of this.  
  
"It's not anyone in this house and it's far from obscene," Duncan said, "but what it is, I don't know..."  
  
"Did you dial up anybody?" Methos asked.  
  
"No, it was like that when I picked it up," Duncan replied.  
  
Methos being a bit devilish at the moment put the receiver to his ear and listened again, then he started laughing.  
  
"What?" Duncan asked, clearly not seeing what was humorous about this.  
  
"Duncan, do you know what this reminds me of?" Methos asked.  
  
"No," Duncan answered, "and I'm sure I don't want to know her."  
  
"No, no, no!" Methos said, "this reminds me of back in the early 1900s where if a neighbor was on the phone you could hear them talking...you know, before you could dial up someone, instead you just told the operator who you wanted to speak with...and you had to make sure your neighbors weren't on the phone if you tried to get through to someone...sure was a great way to start some gossip though, always listening to what they were saying..."  
  
"I don't see what is so entertaining about this, give me that!" Duncan snatched the receiver from Methos' hand and listened in again. Now it sounded like some inhumane creature screaming, and oddly enough, laughing.  
  
"This has got to be some sick joke," Duncan said as he hung up.  
  
"Joke?" Methos asked, "MacLeod, that is not a joke, that is a 'good time'," Methos said.  
  
"I think you've been dialing too many 976 numbers, you're just a dirty old man, you know that?" Duncan asked.  
  
"Yes," Methos replied shamelessly without hesitation.  
  
"This is why I wanted to get away from you for a few weeks, but instead, here you are as your same jackass self," Duncan said.  
  
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Methos replied, grinning like he swallowed a canary.  
  
"You're just trying to piss me off, aren't you?" Duncan asked.  
  
Methos said nothing and instead rolled his eyes up.  
  
"I thought so," Duncan said, "why do you always do that? Why can't you bother someone else?"  
  
"Because I got through pestering Joe last night, and I don't start on Richie until this afternoon, and being a gentleman, I leave the women alone," Methos said.  
  
"You?" Duncan choked, "A gentleman? Don't make me laugh, I'm still waiting for my lungs to get out from behind my spine..."  
  
"You talk like you got sat on by a 700-pound man, what happened last night?" Methos asked.  
  
"Everything imaginable outside of sex I imagine," Duncan said, "I don't quite remember exactly what happened, but I remember at one point, Richie got twisted up into a pretzel in his sleep and rolled over on my chest."  
  
"Thank God he was dressed, right?" Methos asked.  
  
"Exactly..." Duncan replied. It was then that he noticed something wrong, he turned and looked out the window, everything looked bright red, "what the hell?"  
  
"What?" Methos asked.  
  
When Duncan didn't answer, Methos went over to the window and saw the bright red sky, "oh that..."  
  
"What?" Duncan asked.  
  
"Surely you've heard it before, red morning is a sailor's warning, red night is-"  
  
"I know what it is!" Duncan replied, "what the hell is it doing here?"  
  
"My guess is getting ready for a downpour," Methos said.  
  
"We weren't supposed to be getting anymore rain for the rest of the week," Duncan told him.  
  
"Try telling that to Him," Methos pointed up.  
  
"I know, I know, one thing you can't fight is the weather," Duncan said.  
  
"Yes you can, you just can't win," Methos replied.  
  
"Methos, did you sleep well last night?" Duncan asked.  
  
"Hardly," Methos spat.  
  
Duncan rolled up his sleeve and checked his watch, "it's 6:20 in the morning, how can you be so cheerful?"  
  
"You'd be surprised what you're capable of doing when you're drunk," Methos said.  
  
"How much alcohol were you trying to actually drink?" Duncan asked.  
  
"None!" Methos replied, "that's the point, someone already took the liberty of fixing a screwdriver and a damn good one at that..."  
  
It was becoming obvious to Duncan that Methos must've really been drunk to be this cheerful and this senseless.  
  
"Allright Methos, come with me," Duncan grabbed him by the wrist.  
  
"Where we going?" Methos asked.  
  
"Bed."  
  
"Oh Duncan MacLeod, what a wolf you are," Methos laughed.  
  
"I figure if we hurry, we can get you there before the hangover hits," Duncan said.  
  
"MacLeod, you're a real laugh...don't you know that I don't get hung over? Never have, never will, I've been drinking for some 4,000 years so it would've taken effect by now," Methos said.  
  
"You know I-" Duncan got cut off when he and Methos heard what sounded like a woman screaming.  
  
They ran upstairs to see what the problem was, but Duncan could tell when they got to the top of the stairs that something was wrong.  
  
"Amanda, what happened?" Duncan asked.  
  
"When?" Amanda came out of the bedroom.  
  
"Just now, why were you screaming?" Duncan asked.  
  
"I wasn't screaming, Duncan, where'd you get that idea?" Amanda asked.  
  
"What about Rebecca?" Duncan asked.  
  
"What about me what?" Rebecca asked as she entered the room.  
  
"Hold it," Methos said, "now, did either of you ladies scream just a few seconds ago?"  
  
"No," they both replied.  
  
"That's what I figured," Methos said, "Duncan, would you care to explain this one?"  
  
"Well I....well uh......hmmmmmm..." Duncan tried desperately to think of an explanation, "well it's like you said, Methos, either someone else is in this house, or it's simply screwed."  
  
"What's going on?" Amanda asked.  
  
"Didn't you hear the screaming?" Methos asked.  
  
"No...no one was screaming," Amanda replied.  
  
"Well I don't believe this," Methos said, "MacLeod, we must be losing our minds..."  
  
"I wouldn't say that, Methos," Duncan said.  
  
"No?" Methos replied, "why not? Apparently we-"  
  
"What's going on?" Rebecca asked.  
  
"Where's Richie?" Duncan asked.  
  
"Right here," Richie said as he stepped into the bedroom, "sorry for the delay, but on the way over, I collided with Joe and took him down in the fall..."  
  
"Richie, did you hear someone screaming a little while ago?" Rebecca asked.  
  
"No...why?" Richie asked.  
  
"Apparently MacLeod, we must be going crazy, we're the only ones who heard anything," Methos said.  
  
"Heard what?!" Richie asked.  
  
"We heard someone screaming and we came up here to see what was going on!" Duncan exclaimed.  
  
"Well as you can see, no one was screaming, so you must've just been hearing things," Amanda said.  
  
"I know what I heard, Amanda!" Duncan exclaimed.  
  
"Besides, there is no way that I am crazy," Methos added.  
  
"Well--------" Duncan thought.  
  
"MacLeod!" Methos slapped Duncan.  
  
"Well obviously you must've heard something because no one up here screamed," Amanda told them.  
  
"Are you insinuating we're crazy?" Methos asked.  
  
"What if I did? Just a few minutes ago you were insinuating the thought yourself," Amanda told him.  
  
"This is getting too weird for me, this is a conversation I want out of," Rebecca said.  
  
Rebecca turned and headed downstairs, as soon as they were certain she wouldn't hear them, they continued their discussion.  
  
"Five thousand years and I'm not allowed to be a cynic?"  
  
"Now wait a minute!" Amanda said, "it's obvious that you two were the only ones who heard anything meaning either we missed something or your old age is catching up to you two."  
  
"Old age?" Duncan asked, "You're older than me!"  
  
"Shutup," Amanda replied, "now Duncan, think for a minute, you were up most of last night, you didn't get much sleep, maybe you should just lie down for a while..."  
  
"Oh sure, I hear something and you blame insomnia, what about Methos? He heard it too."  
  
"Methos is just weird, it'd be a surprise if he didn't hear something," Amanda said.  
  
"Hey!" Methos retaliated to her remark by pinching her on her shoulder, when he turned around, he saw Duncan heading back to his room, "And where are you going, MacLeod?"  
  
"I'm going back to sleep, maybe there is something to it."  
  
Duncan went back into his room, fell face first on the bed, and immediately conked out. All that came to his mind right now was how his vacation with Amanda had really gone to hell in a hand basket. He'd planned a few weeks to be alone with his lady, only to be intruded by a drunk, an old man, and two disrespectful teenaged pains in the neck. What with the power going out, the roof collapsing, a tree through the window and having 3 other people sleep tangled in the same bed as he, now hearing voices.  
  
[What's next?] he thought, [A talking salami sandwich and maybe an ogre going into labor?]  
  
"Ugh," Duncan moaned as he rolled over in bed, "I'm a mess....."  
  
Maybe after a few more hours of sleep, he'd get his head cleared up and things would get somewhat back to normal for the remainder of the day. 


End file.
